Satire: Owen Hargreaves: I don’t really understand Canada, eh?

A delighted Owen Hargreaves spoke out early Thursday about his call up to the national squad and the upcoming friendly against the Netherlands. The 20 year old midfielder conducted himself like a model pro in from of some pretty straightforward questions although he explained that he ‘couldn’t turn the Queen down’. Good boy.

“It’s tough for me to say it was always going to be England, eh? – I never suspected I would end up playing for Britain, I mean England … one day. Maybe it would be easier if I was playing in the Premier League but I ended up in Bavaria, because the beer was better eh? and I’m happy there at the moment, eh.” said Hargreaves.

When asked about his decision of choosing Canada over England he quickly responded:
“I didn’t really understand Canada, eh?. Why do they call their rugby, football down there truly amazes me eh. What’s with that ball, is it deformed or something?. Calgary is a crappy city eh. There is like totally nothing to do there, except hockey.”

And Hargreaves certainly has a point. Football is almost non-existent in Eskimo filled Canada. It’s cold climate prohibits most people from playing football, and when it is played – it’s only in the summer months.

“And I don’t like Celine Dion.” Hargreaves lashed out. “The Spice Girls are much better”

We could not agree with you more Owen.